Metamorphoses: Medusa

Short Humour

Giraudoux Secret of successI am generally in need of it; perhaps you are too. After two and a half hours in the dentist chair yesterday, I definitely needed something. So here’s a new bit for that thing with feathers:

Hope

And here are some of the others you may have missed. Thanks always to Swan Morrison and the Short Humour site for supporting my random bits.

Biscuits
On Seeking a Place for a Picnic
Kingsley Amis in the Afterlife
The Flying Seal
Open Letter to the Social Media Pill
The Stages of Fame
Proposal for a New Quiz Show: How to Catch a Millionaire
Tourist Hotels
This is Just to Say
Wicklow Street Lobster Reel

Fun with the British Library

The widespread practice of bird hazing gets too little attention.

The widespread practice of bird hazing gets too little attention.

The British Library has released an enormous cache of copyright-free images from their collection. First thought of course was how cool is that?! Naturally, my second thought was how can I turn this into something silly?

A few were already silly, but I have idled away some time amending others to amuse myself. I finally realised my word brain needed a rest so this proved ideal. Some examples thereof:

sexiest man vestigial twin flying fish

intense loner

Lars Halversson, 36, SWM, walrus blubber sifter by trade.

Egypt Snow

You may have seen all the photos of the pyramids under snow this week; over a hundred years since it has snowed in Egypt.

It was a pity, because Hermione had done so well in dentistry school and earned the praise of all her instructors.

It was a pity, because Hermione had done so well in dentistry school and earned the praise of all her instructors.

defrosting Wall Elephants

Oh, and I’m featured over at the Fox Spirit website today ūüôā in all my guises.

In Development: The Superfluous

Awesome poster ©SLJohnson Images

Awesome poster ©SLJohnson Images

The Superfluous

They weren’t just expendable:
they never should have been there in the first place!

“It’s like The Expendables but with broads, magic, werewolves and machine guns!” says our PR team.

Synopsis:

When a heroic young woman speaks truth to power, she winds up in a secret prison behind the Oz curtain, where no government agency can find her — even on Google maps. It would take high-level magical skills, mad martial arts and a reckless disregard for personal safety to go in and rescue her. This sounds like a job for —

The Superfluous!

A crack team of independent operators, they only come together for special projects like this, abandoning their seemingly ordinary lives for just one chance to do right in the world — and maybe kick a few deserving keisters into the bargain.

JAY ‘SPACE COWGIRL’: The only thing deadlier than her wit is her .357 Magnum!

CHLO√č ‘THE REV’: If her profanity doesn’t deafen you, her elbows will surely take you down!

ADELE ‘THE CAP’N’: She’s the muse who kicks you in the face — then body slams you into next week!

STEPHANIE ‘THE QUEEN’: Can kill a stoat at fifty paces just with her sarcasm – don’t make her get out the laser vision!

BYRON ‘THE HOODOO HAINT’: Her magic has moved mountains. Literally. Step aside!

‘GUTTER’ JANE: A moll who cracks bones instead of her gum!

KATE ‘THE PROF’: Makes jokes so circuitous you’ll be home in bed before you explode with laughter! And er, she might be a werewolf (the jury’s out on that)!

— and an expanding cast of colourful characters!

Rumoured to be starring:

TOM HIDDLESTON as the charming guy who shows up just when the gang is out of hope, makes them chocolate martinis, tells an inspiring tale of an adopted dog, sighs wistfully and then disappears with a gentle chuckle.

JASON STATHAM as Terry Leather, the reluctant martial arts expert who allows himself to be reluctantly drawn into the fray just long enough to provide a crucial bit of information before giving a cheeky wink as he reluctantly speeds away.

–with ROBERT SHEEHAN as the cowgirl’s young steed!

–and ERIC BALFOUR stars as pretty, muscle-bound, floozy boy!

[AKA what happens when a joke takes off on social media ;-)]

Cheese & Pirates

Fox Pockets PiracyWhat do cheese and pirates have in common?

Both are salty!

Okay, maybe that’s not a very good joke. Sue me! I don’t know why cheese and pockets and pirates became so important to The Mangrove Legacy but as I go through the line edits for the new edition (yes, I know it was edited before — amazing how many details you can miss in a 120,000 word novel O.O) I remember again how much fun I had writing the book.

So when Adele started cajoling us to write very short stories for the Fox Pocket anthologies, there’s no surprise (is there?) that “Kit Marlowe” wrote a story that mentioned both, as well as a very strange beast that’s somehow ended up on Black Ethel’s ship.

Adele seems happy with the results and with all our contributions to the Pockets. And she’s been encouraging writers to blog on behalf of their creations. Kit wrote a bit about her obsession with cheese, a seemingly endless love affair:

The incredible importance of cheese to the remarkable history of the civilized world has often been overlooked. From the beginning of cheese, man (and woman, at least when she was not slimming) has always been the lynch pin that set the world to rights or changed the course of history, which as the scholars note, has never run smoothly.

In the beginning was the word, and the word was cheese and the cheese was good. Strict cheese creationists believe this, but those who require a more scientific explanation will do well to look at the work of curdologist Dr. Blaise Silver who posits a more natural origin story based on a knowledge of the fossil record and a lifetime spent with aging cheddars.

Read the rest of The Curious Incident of the Cheese in the Right Time…

Buy Piracy: A Fox Pockets Anthology.