Know-vember: Paul Hamilton

Tuesday is usually Overlooked A/V Day, so it seems entirely appropriate to give the day over to a Know-vemberist who is also in the music world (and the only one to include an advertisement along with his responses). He’s pictured here with one of his heroes, Kevin Godley (himself on the left, God on the right). I first met Aitch because of the Peter Cook Appreciation Society for which he has been one of the guiding forces as well as co-author with Peter Gordon of How Very Interesting: Peter Cook’s Universe and All That Surrounds It, which I have recommended before. Let the madness ensue —

1. What’s the first thing you do upon waking in the morning?

I kick the crackers out of my bed and send them back to Georgia. Then I like to do a spot of light dusting. Why I insist on fluttering at ceiling height placing dust particles on light bulbs is a matter of free choice – and the 12 men pointing guns at me and barking “PUT ZE DUST ON ZER LIGHT!” all day long.

2. What’s a song you might be persuaded to dance to?

Discreet Music by Brian Eno turned up incredibly quiet – even better, if the speakers were disconnected from the gramophone. I love a good singalong – that “Yo-o heave-ho” song softly bellowed by freshly-starved oarsman. My ideal job would be as the supplier to their caterer.

3. Where in the world do you live?

In Cognito, a suburb of Limbo. As a would-be record mogul [, thrill-seekers], I have found the music industry to be a minefield; everywhere you go, there’s always someone shouting “That’s MINE! MINE!”

4. What’s a great night out for you?

Standing in the street watching my house burn down.

5. What’s a great night in?

Looking out the window watching the street burn down.

6. If you were offered an all expenses paid trip anywhere in the world, where would you go?

Somewhere mercifully free of dust-obsessed men pointing guns at me. I was told that Prague was ‘an experience’ so I went there and there was no experience to be experienced at all. It was just like Leeds but with a slightly more decipherable dialect. The only good thing about Leeds is you get robbed very quickly: I got off the train, went to the first pub I saw and within 10 minutes my wallet was purloined. So I quaffed my half of Orphan’s Piss and got the next train home. Perhaps the cutpurses of Leeds knew that I couldn’t contain my disappointment any longer. Thanks, boys!

7. What book do you wish everyone would read so you could talk about it?

Yours, of course! [ED: awww] Well – now that you’ve disconnected the electrodes from my wand o’ lust – I’m not a big book reader. Anything over six foot square I find hard to concentrate on; mainly because of the blood in my legs failing to circulate. ‘Six Foot Square’ – not a bad name for an address…
So, yes, any book that doesn’t give me varicose veins or thrombosis is all right in my book (which is extremely small and tethered to a melange of balloons).

8. What movie makes you cry?

As time roars off in a flash car filled with youthful gaiety, leaving me choking on the dust which I must collect and sprinkle on light bulbs, I find that the things that made me hoot with laughter as a bouncing baby (I was born with springs for legs) now distress me. The last 10 minutes of Peter Cook & Dudley Moore’s Bedazzled, for example, has me in tears these days – it’s so empathetically written (Stanley Moon [crestfallen]: “Being me didn’t seem like very much at the time…” George Spiggott: “Well… it wasn’t very much… but it’s a good deal better than the alternatives.” Stanley: “(Sighs)… I’d give… anything… to be myself again but… I don’t have anything to give, really, do I?”).

9. What makes you laugh?

Yes, the word ‘What’ makes me laugh [ED: groan]. I bought a magazine called ‘What’s On TV’ in the hope it would list all the programmes that mention the W word. Imagine my crushing disappointment. Suckered by The Man! However, to staunch the flow of sad, sour teardrops, I have a dictionary to hand and can look at the word ‘What’. Failing that, I can consult the phone directory and call up some people called ‘Watt’ and say, ‘Watt?’ They invariably reply, ‘What?’ And, whilst fluttering around the ceiling performing my light dusting, I notice that the bulbs are 100 Watts and this has me grinning like a man who has caught a freshly-flung dinner plate with his mouth.

10. Are there fairies at the bottom of your garden?

I have no idea what could be living in Graeme Garden’s bottom.

And now the advertisement:

Paul Hamilton’s albums include ‘Play For Today’ by Bisonics and ‘Only Two Can Play’ by Doug Murphy & Paul Hamilton. Hear, see, feel and sniff  them at or even BUY them at why don’tcha? Bisonics’ second album, ‘Seconds’ (you see what they did there?), will be unleashed around Xmas/New Year. He has just finished recording another album with Jazz Cattle and has financed ‘The Luckless Pedestrian Years’ the debut album by G.T. Thomas.